You never existed. You were a mere memory. The remembrance of how 13 was.
I do not know where to start. There are certain things that I have to say. I want to let everything out. Of how and what I would like to tell you straight to your face. Okay here goes nothing.
I opted to wait and stay. I wish you could feel my emotions right now. It has been a while since you have been with the other boys. You were on your own for quite some time. I hope you have been well, and I know, you are. There are many things that I want to tell you but idek how to start. Maybe I am scared that you might not get the words that I am about to let go. I wasn't there when you started however, I saw you how you became the Kim kibum everyone knows about. Haish. Listen, here, do you even know how much I like you? Waiting for the person that might NOT come back would mean taking the risk of getting hurt. I took that risk. I never really cared of what others would say. It never really mattered, because I believed in you. We all know what you were up to, focusing on your personal career, while the others were there, doing their thing as SUPER JUNIOR. I must admit, it took some time for me to hold on unto the idea that you’ll not be around for a period. *insertsMIRACLEsonghere*LMAO. You know why? Because I only preferred you, you were my Personal Preference. HAHA. (Lee Minho<3) From the moment you left them, all I thought was that “it’s okay, he’ll be back in no time”, nevertheless, I was wrong, again. There was no news about you, nor any small information about your whereabouts. I tried to keep my thoughts positive, not until the Hankyung news came out. My heart was crumpled, maybe for the reason that you might do the same. I was afraid that it would also become your option. I'm sorry if this seems to be so selfish but I want you back NOW. Not next year, not until Leeteuk and Heechul leaves for the military. Kanging and Hangeng's cases are too much. Do you even get the feeling of guilt crawling up on your nerves? Why can Siwon do his acting career without having to leave? Why can Sungmin Kyuhyun and Yesung go act on a play without missing a single show? I know you really don't have to answer me. I don't have the right to know everything. However, just a small hint of you would make me extremely blissful. Just one more time. I miss you.
Serious thoughts from a desperate fan girl.
BLABLABLA. I just found this entry from an old USB dated Sept'10. Idek when and where I was when I wrote this. I can't even remember if I was on the right mind when I was writing this crap. LOL.