Aside from saying I love you, i want to tell you I'll miss you.

death's like a thief at night. you'll never know when it'll come nor what it'll take away from you.

2 days ago, the thief came and took away my grandfather (my dad's father). Early morning of May 28, I was awaken by my mom's loud voice. Although it was pretty normal for her to be that loud, that tone of voice was different. "Must be talking with lola (grandma) or lolo (grandpa)" I thought. Then I ignored her and went back to sleep instead. Usually, when my grandparents call up, me and my siblings would take turns in talking to them, saying our regards or just talking about anything (They live in Florida with my dad's older sister and her family. They've been living there even before I was born. Which makes us rarely see them. They go home every 2-3 years and stays for like 2 months the most.). To be honest, it still hasn't sank up to me that my grandpa isn't around anymore. It felt really bad when my brother called my up that same night and said that he already passed away. I didn't know what else to do besides crying in front of those unknown people inside the jeepney and in front of Lee. The feeling of being tricked was there, I felt very very bad knowing that I was supposed to be taking care of him when he'll be home for good. I was supposed to be beside him when he'll be here. I will be graduating next year and I promised myself that the people I'll be taking care off the most are my grandparents. But he didn't wait for me. The regrets are also crawling up into my nerves at the moment. I was not able to say "I Love You, lolo" that morning before he died. He died of COPD which was caused by heavy smoking when he was still a Ship Captain. He was deteriorating very fast that's why he wasn't allowed by the doctors to go home. Basically, we were left with the choice that he can't go home and will not go home anymore. The saddest part of this thing is that I used to have a complete set of grandparents. The parents of my mom are still alive (my grandpa's turning 90 this July and both of my maternal grandparents are very healthy.) and my dad's parents too..... This is the second most painful death I have encountered in my whole life. The first was my uncle (mom's brother) who died years ago. 
The only coping up mechanism i'm dealing with right now is that, I have to / must keep sane and stay strong for my family. Which is really hard, honestly. My aunt and grandma will be going home 1st week of June and will be bringing home my grandfather's urn. It'll be really sad, but I do hope everything will be fine. <3

Lolo, I will miss you and your favorite sando's which were tucked in in your neatly ironed brown shorts. I will miss you, asking us to get you lotto tickets, just in case you win the pot money that could afford everyone in the family to have a vacation in Florida. I will miss your 10 peso bills. You must have a collection of those rare money cause every time you want us to get lotto tickets, it's always a 10 peso bill you hand us (I still have 1 from you though. I always have it on my wallet :)) I will miss your neatly pedicured finger and toe nails. They're way cleaner than mine!! I will miss how you read the news paper while sitting on that couch at home, silently. I will miss how you cutely fight with lola like you're newly weds. It's like wherever lola goes, you're always there. I will miss your handsome smile. I will miss everything about you lolo. I know you're not suffering anymore. I know you're on a better place.

LOLO JOEY, wherever you might be right now, just so you know, I Love You. SO MUCH.
xo, readysetdrool.

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